The Obscene News Network

It's been a while since I really wrote about FOX, and I'm sorry for that. I hadn't noticed how long I'd gone without writing up an attack piece on Shrill O'Lielly and, seeing as how it's Valentine's Day, seeing how I love telling the truth about the network, what better way to celebrate love day than by practicing my, my love with readers?

Often, if you try hard enough, you'll find somebody who's bitching about profane language on the television, radio, or in the movies. As I watched FOX's "prime-time line-up," I couldn't help but feel for the children out there. Who will protect them from the profane nature of Rupert Murdoch's Obscene News Network?

Well, I decided. "I would." But then I realized that I don't care if kids watch the trash channel, and I was back to square one. After vising FOX's website I found myself becoming a little bit more enraged at FOX, and, thus, I decided to write about today's programming.

I watched the re-run of The O'Lielly Factor, as I missed it the first go-around, and I felt myself writhe in disgust as I watched. If the FCC turned over to The Factor they'd find enough boobs to last a lifetime in fines.

First thing's first. Everytime I hear O'Reilly caution me that I'm about to enter a "no-spin zone" and hear his silly music play I die. That's not an original thought, but it does deserve some repeating.

Seven minutes in, they're discussing CNN's Jordan, that guy who claimed the military was killing journalists, and O'Lielly mentioned that Barney Frank called him on it. Congressman Frank of Massachusetts. But he referred to him as "liberal Barney Frank," or "the liberal Congressman." What the hell does his political affiliation have to do with the story? Ten minutes hadn't even passed before Shrill had an O'Lielly moment.

A few pointless segments came on next, and then came the holy grail of right-wing hypocrisy. Newt Gingrich. Seriously, how can Shrill claim to support family values when he keeps inviting a man who divorced his first wife while she recovered from cancer in the hospital? Oh well, moot point I guess. How can a man who claims to support family values be a total sleaze?

O'Lielly asked Gingrich if he thinks CNN is a left-wing news outfit and he said, "Oh sure." Then O'Lielly asked Gingrich if he thought Bush was out of control with spending, and Gingrich dodged the question. O'Lielly, to his credit, said the President kept spending money on programs (like one hundred million dollar "marriage initiatives") that weren't needed. Gingrich said he could cut fifty billion extra dollars out of the budget "press easily," and I just thought to myself: At the expense of Medicare, meals-for-wheels and pre-school programs, right? Right.

But, as obnoxious as O'Lielly was today, he paled compared to Shammity. I've always hated him, but he was worse than ever today.

Once The O'Lielly Factor ended Shammity and Pushover began. Matt Drudge made a "rare" public appearance, where he and Sean spent a full segment bitching about how Chris Rock is a horrible comedian and that his selection to host the Oscars defiles the Academy Awards. And, for once, I agreed with them (although I acknowledge that who-will-host is not my decision to make). But then Sean took it a little too far.

"What if I or you or Rush said something about gays," Sean Hannity said, throwing up a "hypothetical." "What would happen to them?" But, in truth, it wasn't really a hypothetical. Look!

Here's Rush talking about how gays "invite dissent" by coming out the closet, which I suppose means they're asking to be called "faggots" and "queers." This is Rush Limbaugh saying that only gay people are affected by AIDS.

Now, let's see what else we can find, shall we? This is Ann Coulter saying that liberals, because they generally support gay marriage, would enjoy being raped in prison. And this is her just being crazy.

Jerry Falwell likes comparing homosexuality to beastiality. Read about Michael Savage's stance on "human rights." In today's Shammity and Pushover, Sludge and Shammity essentially endorsed Mike Savage over Chris Rock to host the Oscars. This is what they were endorsing.

All these men (Coulter is a man) launch vicious attacks often (I'm only mentioning the gay-related ones because that's the area singled out by Shammity) and these incidents only scratches the surface. All these people have very popular shows. Who the fuck was Shammity kidding? Oh, yeah, I forgot. He's fair and balanced.

Why in the hell do we let them get away with shit like this?